A rare weekend alone...

One great benefits of the blended family is that every now and again the children are all with the non-custodials. I say "great benefit", because i get to do things like complete a task without interruption, take a nap, work on the business, take a bath, spend less money at the grocery store, meet my Mom for dinner, Facebook, email friends, get lost on ETSY, talk on the phone, write thank you notes, clean, pay bills, did I already mention something about sleep?

Yet here I am, well past midnight... awake. I have Pandora streaming and I set up the house as IF everyone is here. Close the bedroom doors, move silently throughout the house... even make rounds past bedroom doors. I know it's silly, but it's comforting... the thing about a rare weekend alone, even though it can be productive, it's lonely...

The kids bring a life here... to this house... to me. Sometimes, I get a strong thought about one of them... I'm sure they need me... but I can't just hug em, or peak into the bedroom to make sure they are asleep. It's an adjustment that I'm pretty sure no parent ever gets over...

The thing about it is, tomorrow night when they get home, I'll be militant about setting back up the routine... baths, milk, organizing for the week ahead... They'll meet that structure with the resistance of kids who miss the parent they just left... torn by loyalty as much as you tell them not to be... that they are lucky to be loved by so many. They'll all clamor for attention and lash out at each other to get it... they'll talk back and not listen and I'll count backwards from 10 and exercise the time out chair... and I'll try my best to make them all feel the love that is ALWAYS present... weather they are or not.