One great benefits of the blended family is that every now and again the children are all with the non-custodials. I say "great benefit", because i get to do things like complete a task without interruption, take a nap, work on the business, take a bath, spend less money at the grocery store, meet my Mom for dinner, Facebook, email friends, get lost on ETSY, talk on the phone, write thank you notes, clean, pay bills, did I already mention something about sleep?
Yet here I am, well past midnight... awake. I have Pandora streaming and I set up the house as IF everyone is here. Close the bedroom doors, move silently throughout the house... even make rounds past bedroom doors. I know it's silly, but it's comforting... the thing about a rare weekend alone, even though it can be productive, it's lonely...
The kids bring a life here... to this house... to me. Sometimes, I get a strong thought about one of them... I'm sure they need me... but I can't just hug em, or peak into the bedroom to make sure they are asleep. It's an adjustment that I'm pretty sure no parent ever gets over...
The thing about it is, tomorrow night when they get home, I'll be militant about setting back up the routine... baths, milk, organizing for the week ahead... They'll meet that structure with the resistance of kids who miss the parent they just left... torn by loyalty as much as you tell them not to be... that they are lucky to be loved by so many. They'll all clamor for attention and lash out at each other to get it... they'll talk back and not listen and I'll count backwards from 10 and exercise the time out chair... and I'll try my best to make them all feel the love that is ALWAYS present... weather they are or not.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Driven...
Thank God for PBS when you can't sleep. It's the only decent thing on when you just have basic access channels. This morning I was watching this documentary about the MOF pastry competition held in France every four years. It's like the Pulitzer Prize for craftsman I guess. Anyway, the show follows several of these men, one of whom is from Chicago. And I'm watching the story unfold and what I find most amazing about these men is their drive. Never ever quitting. Everyone has dreams I suppose, but the lengths people will go to to actually achieve them is incredible to me.
I've had the opportunity to be home full time the last few weeks with my kiddos and I see them driven as well. Mainly destructively. Driven to make each other miserable, or to dominate or manipulate a situation. Seriously. The 10 year old uses physical strength to do it. The 8 year old uses a razor tongue. The five year old uses a blend of yelling and crocodile tears that I believe could be certified as a torture device by our military. Even the two year old with his limited language manages to use a great deal of time and energy on this pursuit.
So the upside is I SEE the trait in them... but it's being used for evil instead of good. What I want is to see them driven to make their dreams a reality. Foster that in each of them. But here's the catch. I don't know how. My son has found his passion in violin. I pay for lessons, but I don't ask him to practice. He does that on his own. Every day. It's pretty cool, actually. I try to introduce different types of music. The 8 year old has a passion about performance. Comedy, singing, leadership in general... so I try to give her opportunities to perform. Express herself. The five year old has an eye for beauty. Colors, drawings, sunsets, emotions... she sees the simple beauty in everything around her. It's more than child's perspective though... it's deeper than that. That presents a bigger challenge to me since I know I can not keep her innocent. In a lot of ways she already isn't. I guess just being there to bear witness to the beauty... to reinforce that... And the baby... a ball... anything with a ball... the kid's got an arm like a rocket.
I had a pretty good grip on my own dreams not that long ago and in a lot of ways they're the same one's I've always had... but then I get busy and I forget. Busy trying to run the rat race or pay the bills or raise the kids or just live life I guess. How can I teach myself, since I know that's what the kids see, that following your dreams is just as important as the rest of that stuff? One of the guys in that movie said something like ' At some point you just have to be a little selfish.' Maybe that's it. Rob and I have talked about it before. But there are so many expectations and obligations and responsibilities. I guess you have to tell yourself to take time out. Stay up all night... write... cook... work on the business... all of it. Maybe seeking out stories like the one I watched tonight...
I just know when my kids are 36, I'd like them to be living their dreams or at least chasing after them... not questioning how to fit them in...
I've had the opportunity to be home full time the last few weeks with my kiddos and I see them driven as well. Mainly destructively. Driven to make each other miserable, or to dominate or manipulate a situation. Seriously. The 10 year old uses physical strength to do it. The 8 year old uses a razor tongue. The five year old uses a blend of yelling and crocodile tears that I believe could be certified as a torture device by our military. Even the two year old with his limited language manages to use a great deal of time and energy on this pursuit.
So the upside is I SEE the trait in them... but it's being used for evil instead of good. What I want is to see them driven to make their dreams a reality. Foster that in each of them. But here's the catch. I don't know how. My son has found his passion in violin. I pay for lessons, but I don't ask him to practice. He does that on his own. Every day. It's pretty cool, actually. I try to introduce different types of music. The 8 year old has a passion about performance. Comedy, singing, leadership in general... so I try to give her opportunities to perform. Express herself. The five year old has an eye for beauty. Colors, drawings, sunsets, emotions... she sees the simple beauty in everything around her. It's more than child's perspective though... it's deeper than that. That presents a bigger challenge to me since I know I can not keep her innocent. In a lot of ways she already isn't. I guess just being there to bear witness to the beauty... to reinforce that... And the baby... a ball... anything with a ball... the kid's got an arm like a rocket.
I had a pretty good grip on my own dreams not that long ago and in a lot of ways they're the same one's I've always had... but then I get busy and I forget. Busy trying to run the rat race or pay the bills or raise the kids or just live life I guess. How can I teach myself, since I know that's what the kids see, that following your dreams is just as important as the rest of that stuff? One of the guys in that movie said something like ' At some point you just have to be a little selfish.' Maybe that's it. Rob and I have talked about it before. But there are so many expectations and obligations and responsibilities. I guess you have to tell yourself to take time out. Stay up all night... write... cook... work on the business... all of it. Maybe seeking out stories like the one I watched tonight...
I just know when my kids are 36, I'd like them to be living their dreams or at least chasing after them... not questioning how to fit them in...
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Sunday morning...
So yesterday I was cleaning out the book shelf... this is a difficult thing for me... books are like memories for me... I tend to collect the ones I like and even keep the ones I don't. Needless to say, I did find some to list on e-bay. I have no idea why the computer will not let me spell that word correctly. It makes me laugh that I don't even have control over a computer. Anyway, I digress. The books. As I was going through them I found so many of the stories I loved and read again and again. I gave some to Rob as required reading and pledged to myself that when the time comes I will pass them on to my kiddos. I also pledged to re-read some of them again. Just because I loved them. I still love them.
The other thing I found on the shelf were empty journals. Some were dedications and some are just blank and so I decided that I would make more effort on this page to journal... and here I am. Big or little, profound or whatever is the opposite of profound... here it is... My Sunday morning.
Slept in. That's 8:30 people! Awoke to the sounds of the little ones laughing and calling for me. Started the coffee... made pancakes... blueberry AND chocolate chip, just for fun. Then, for me, since I've been thinking about it for a while, fried egg sandwiches. The best panini bread ever... with Phil's Farm Fresh eggs, fresh ground salt and pepper, and that cheap American cheese. Love it. Eggs over easy still runny yolks, and James Brown... I'm in love with Pandora... I just say, I'd like to hear a little of this... and then it takes over. The kids ate, Rob and I ate, we cleaned a little, and worked a little... going to watch Megamind this afternoon... pretty much everything I love about family and Sundays.
All the problems of reality are still there waiting. But taking a break... laughing with the kids and Rob... groovin to James Brown... it's a great day. I think I even saw the sun for a little while this morning.
So inspired by the dedication in one of the journals about the simple things, that I want to try to keep this blog more regularly. Even if it's filled with simple things. It's a reminder that the only way to see the profound aspects of life is to enjoy the simplicity just as much. So there it is... a simple blog entry on a simple Sunday. Yep. As the Godfather of Soul puts it... "I feel good!"
The other thing I found on the shelf were empty journals. Some were dedications and some are just blank and so I decided that I would make more effort on this page to journal... and here I am. Big or little, profound or whatever is the opposite of profound... here it is... My Sunday morning.
Slept in. That's 8:30 people! Awoke to the sounds of the little ones laughing and calling for me. Started the coffee... made pancakes... blueberry AND chocolate chip, just for fun. Then, for me, since I've been thinking about it for a while, fried egg sandwiches. The best panini bread ever... with Phil's Farm Fresh eggs, fresh ground salt and pepper, and that cheap American cheese. Love it. Eggs over easy still runny yolks, and James Brown... I'm in love with Pandora... I just say, I'd like to hear a little of this... and then it takes over. The kids ate, Rob and I ate, we cleaned a little, and worked a little... going to watch Megamind this afternoon... pretty much everything I love about family and Sundays.
All the problems of reality are still there waiting. But taking a break... laughing with the kids and Rob... groovin to James Brown... it's a great day. I think I even saw the sun for a little while this morning.
So inspired by the dedication in one of the journals about the simple things, that I want to try to keep this blog more regularly. Even if it's filled with simple things. It's a reminder that the only way to see the profound aspects of life is to enjoy the simplicity just as much. So there it is... a simple blog entry on a simple Sunday. Yep. As the Godfather of Soul puts it... "I feel good!"
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