Driven...

Thank God for PBS when you can't sleep. It's the only decent thing on when you just have basic access channels. This morning I was watching this documentary about the MOF pastry competition held in France every four years. It's like the Pulitzer Prize for craftsman I guess. Anyway, the show follows several of these men, one of whom is from Chicago. And I'm watching the story unfold and what I find most amazing about these men is their drive. Never ever quitting. Everyone has dreams I suppose, but the lengths people will go to to actually achieve them is incredible to me.

I've had the opportunity to be home full time the last few weeks with my kiddos and I see them driven as well. Mainly destructively. Driven to make each other miserable, or to dominate or manipulate a situation. Seriously. The 10 year old uses physical strength to do it. The 8 year old uses a razor tongue. The five year old uses a blend of yelling and crocodile tears that I believe could be certified as a torture device by our military. Even the two year old with his limited language manages to use a great deal of time and energy on this pursuit.

So the upside is I SEE the trait in them... but it's being used for evil instead of good. What I want is to see them driven to make their dreams a reality. Foster that in each of them. But here's the catch. I don't know how. My son has found his passion in violin. I pay for lessons, but I don't ask him to practice. He does that on his own. Every day. It's pretty cool, actually. I try to introduce different types of music. The 8 year old has a passion about performance. Comedy, singing, leadership in general... so I try to give her opportunities to perform. Express herself. The five year old has an eye for beauty. Colors, drawings, sunsets, emotions... she sees the simple beauty in everything around her. It's more than child's perspective though... it's deeper than that. That presents a bigger challenge to me since I know I can not keep her innocent. In a lot of ways she already isn't. I guess just being there to bear witness to the beauty... to reinforce that... And the baby... a ball... anything with a ball... the kid's got an arm like a rocket.

I had a pretty good grip on my own dreams not that long ago and in a lot of ways they're the same one's I've always had... but then I get busy and I forget. Busy trying to run the rat race or pay the bills or raise the kids or just live life I guess. How can I teach myself, since I know that's what the kids see, that following your dreams is just as important as the rest of that stuff? One of the guys in that movie said something like ' At some point you just have to be a little selfish.' Maybe that's it. Rob and I have talked about it before. But there are so many expectations and obligations and responsibilities. I guess you have to tell yourself to take time out. Stay up all night... write... cook... work on the business... all of it. Maybe seeking out stories like the one I watched tonight...

I just know when my kids are 36, I'd like them to be living their dreams or at least chasing after them... not questioning how to fit them in...